Wow! Before I even logged on, I had this theme stuck in my head. I looked back at my last post, and now I just laughed and shook my head. A recurring theme in my life is my perfectionist ways. I never thought myself to actually be a perfectionist. I don’t care too much about how I dress or look before leaving the house and I definitely am not super neat or have an organization system that would get a thousand pins on Pinterest. When I really sit down and examine my life, though, I find that I actually am a perfectionist. I don’t keep a very clean house because my clean just never is clean enough, so my subconscious says, “Why bother?” I wait until the last minute to start writing a paper due to a subconscious fear that I just “can’t do it.” Uhh…hello? When is the last time you have gotten less than a 93% on an assignment? I don’t even blog because I think that I don’t have time to write a post that is “just so.” When I started to think about my best being good enough today, I said “That’s it, write a darn post, even if you bang it out in 15 minutes, it’s better than nothing.”
A few months ago, I decided to take on a huge fundraising goal. Run an ultramarathon in order to raise $10,000 for Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.), an organization that has lifted up my family in the last three years and helped it heal. My inspiration came from an officer I met during the Cellcom Marathon who ran the race in full uniform, including vest and belt, and was training to do the same in Ironman Wisconsin. He ran races, held special events, and did quite a bit of PR to meet his fundraising goals.
I hit the ground running- I have a Facebook page and a fundraising site set up and have already raised a bit of money. I purchased a URL for my website, but I literally found myself “stuck” when it came time to filling out the paperwork for using the logo on all of those platforms. After that, my intensity of working on the project dwindled. The paperwork is a ONE PAGE form to fill out. Why the heck have I not filled it out and pressed on in my quest to raise awareness about the needs of police survivors and help families like my own?!
Then, on my run today, it hit me- I was afraid of being rejected. It as if my best just never is good enough for me. What is the worst that can happen? They say no, I can’t use the logo and I don’t get any press from the National organization. Big whoop. I can still raise money and send them a check. I know that no one would ever turn it down! I came home from that run, sat down and whipped out a paper that is due tomorrow (turned it in early in record time) and now have downloaded the fundraising paperwork, which I am filling out and sending back as soon as I am done with this post. It is time to recognize that my best is good enough. If I fail at something, or even if it just turns out differently than expected, there is something brave about the effort. It is about RESILIENCY and perseverance. Have you ever felt like your best isn’t good enough? What is one area of your life that you can be gentle with yourself and see yourself for the amazing person you are?
I leave from a few snowy photos from today’s run- our neighborhood ski trail is packed and rolled and ready for grooming, which means, I need to get my dog off of it! We have a storm here that has been going on since yesterday…my area of the county is on the light side of snow, but it is still up to my knees!
